Every time the Catholic Church launches its sporadic campaign against immorality, also known as “The Rene Josef Bullecer Crusade,” I’m reminded of a feature story I’ve been itching to write about: bikini bars. So when a few days ago Bullecer started exorcising congressmen of their reproductive health demons, I knew I had to start my research already.

The plan was to write an objective description of what goes on inside bikini bars at a time when the Bullecer crusade was condemning whores, pimps and T-backs as the devil’s creatures.

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