Last week was probably the most meaningful and spiritually enriching Lent for me so far. As I toured the towns for the Visita Iglesia (which consisted of me stopping in front of churches and proceeding to the nearest sari-sari store for beer), I discovered that our public comfort rooms had become so user-friendly as to have signs that read: “IHI = P3.00, LIBANG = P5.00.”
One good thing about surfing the net is that every now and then you come across articles that confirm some of your strong beliefs about life and stuff, especially stuff. Me, I always believe fecal matters mutate into some kind of aliens the moment they leave our bodies and that they’re just waiting for the right time to start an invasion.
I once brought this up with my editors, who promptly dismissed me as nuts. When septic tank cleaners dropped dead one after another a couple of years ago, septic tank experts came up with a stupid theory that said accumulated fart caused the deaths. Nothing was farter, I mean farther, from the truth. It was weapon-slinging poo-poos giving earthlings a taste of a much greater destruction soon to come. If you think I’m joking, read this article about splashing poo-poos: http://alive-alive-my-poopoo-is-alive
A couple of years ago, Cebu City experienced a tragedy uniquely third world: septic tank cleaners were dropping dead on duty. While gas fumes humbly took the blame, I was silently convinced mutant fecal matters were responsible. Mutant fecal matters are territorial. Used to being left alone to fend for themselves in a dark hole for a long time, they develop violent behaviours and will kill any living thing that invades their privacy. The following article was written after the death of the 3,788th victim of this fecal tragedy in the saddest chapter of our city’s history. — insoymada
WHILE you were busy guessing the name of the next typhoon, or whether Jack Jakosalem deserved to be the next Ernie Baron, the rest of the world was holding conferences everywhere on an issue that is of greater universal significance: the toilet.
Last Thursday in Seoul, the World Toilet Association held its first major gathering to voice out its disappointment that governments are not giving “the matter of defecation as much attention” as hair care and halitosis.
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