The PNP organization has issued a memorandum to all its units nationwide that police officers must don the Santa Claus outfit when on duty, especially when doing raids and patrols. The PNP believes criminals behave like children at the sight of jolly old Santa: instead of running away from the authorities, they run towards them expecting toys rather than warrants of arrest.

Made as basis for the order was a study done by the PNP’s Department of Yuletide Criminal Behavior, an agency so top secret that it doesn’t exist. It says that in the weeks covering the Christmas season, criminals acting like children also act like bulls in their attraction to the color red. The only difference is that unlike that of a bull’s, a criminal’s attraction to red is friendly.

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