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Archive for the ‘take that!’ Category

Those creepy songs about rodents

Friday, February 1st, 2008

muskrats

Back to Tom Reynold’s ‘Touch Me I’m Sick – The 52 creepiest love songs you’ve ever heard’. Sorry, I can’t get enough of this book. It’s just that somebody has to remind us constantly how many of the songs we love really suck, and how cutesy melodies can sanitize really awful lyrics. Especially if the song is about rodents! Hey, I have hamsters and I love them. But I would never write songs about “bacon nibbling” and “cheese chewing” rats!



Funny band names

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

If you had a band, what would you call it? Suggestions:

1) Nasal Sex With Broken Glass
2) Pelvic Meatloaf
3) Dracula Does Calculus
4) A Cat Born In An Oven Isn’t A Cake

Unless you have great music, we can forgive you, like we forgave the ‘Beatles’ and the ‘Eraserheads,’ two great bands with funny names. But if your music is equally silly, then at least you will make it to the list of FUNNIEST BAND NAMES EVER.



Let’s do the beso-beso

Monday, January 28th, 2008

As this column aims to educate, let’s start with etymology. According to my research — which involved the arduous process of typing keywords and clicking search — the word beso is Spanish for “kiss”, as in “beso de Judas”. Do the inflection and you will have “Bésame, bésame mucho, como si fuera esta noche la ultima vez.” Meaning, “Kiss me till my gums bleed or I’ll ask your dad to do it.”



Little ditties about oral sex and masturbation 2

Monday, January 14th, 2008

I promise this will be the last post about oral sex and masturbation. The only reason I included it here is that the song showed how a powerful melody can numb the listener from lyrics that are otherwise gross or offensive. I’m reminded of ‘Gugmang Giatay’ by the Ambassadors. Before this song became a hit, ‘giatay’ was a word my grandmother warned me about, or she’d see me in hell. But because Iping’s melody was so beautifully written, even grandma wouldn’t mind getting caught singing it in the shower now. — insoymada



Worst songs of all time

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

I googled for the worst songs of all time and my suspicions were confirmed, that “MacArthur Park” would top the list. This song never failed to make it to the top ten in all the lists that popped up.

  • Dig this
    – MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I’ll never have that recipe again
    Oh, no!

HA-HA-HA

click-to-know-that-your-favorite-horse-with-no-name-is-also-a-stupid-song



Little ditties about oral sex and masturbation

Saturday, January 12th, 2008

I can be dirty, creepy, sick even, but when it comes to writing lyrics, I surprise myself at how I unconsciously avoid double entendres. Not that I have anything against this standard songwriting device. I tried to, once or twice (see? I’m not against it, and I still listen to the naughty Dos Polgadas and laugh out loud when there’s a chance). But when I was in the studio to record the songs, I chickened out and changed the lyrics. I’ll leave the double-meaning lyrics to other bands. — insoymada



Making Love Out of Nothing At All/Air Supply

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

I admit it. I was – and I mean I WAS – a big Air Supply fan. I know you were too, you just hate to admit it now. HA HA HA. There was no escaping Air Supply. In fact, in some love letters I wrote, I’d even quote….. Ok, I’m shutting up. Let Tom Reynolds take the anti-Air Supply cause for all of us.



Alive/Pearl Jam

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Last Christmas, a colleague bought me the book ‘Touch Me, I’m Sick – The 52 creepiest love songs you’ve ever heard’ by Tom Reynolds. The book pillories artists for writing songs that “for some reasons have gone off the rails into the realm of the tawdry, the overwhelming, the obsessive, the self-absorbed, and the completely weird.”

It’s so entertaining (and downright hilarious) that I can’t help sharing with you excerpts from some of the articles. To Mr. Reynolds (assuming that somebody other than my girlfriend reads my blog), I’m a huge, huge fan of yours, so I hope you don’t mind.

To you guys, If I leave you hanging after every post, it’s because nothing beats buying the book. So go check it out.

Let’s start off with Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive’…





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