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Archive for the ‘funny, bizarre and outrageous’ Category

Cassowary casualty

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

cassowaryTHAT a lot of people don’t like the police is not surprising. The public and men in uniform (including the military) have always been inimical to each other. The public thinks cops can’t be trusted while cops think the public is so damn right. So the police created a non-crime related office called Police Community Relations (PCR) to convince the public they’re friends.

Like any police office, the PCR is composed of cops. But instead of going out in the streets to hunt for snatchers, PCR cops visit crime-prone communities and wear stupid Santa hats during Christmas, bringing gifts to little rugby boys and girls, who will eventually grow up to become big rugby boys and girls.



And the final is me (a repost from somewhere)

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010

angry girl(I’ve been asked to give talks, mostly in campuses, on how to be an effective writer. For those who made the right decision not attend those talks, the following is a summary of my advice. I’m serious)

NOW a few tips on how to write an effective letter.

1. Keep it short and to the point. Make it concise, factual and focused. Don’t exceed one page or you will lose your reader.

2. Focus on what the recipient needs to know. Imagine him seated accross a table from you. What essential information does that person need to know?



Milkshake

Saturday, July 31st, 2010

milkshakeDrug users have this amazing talent for coining slang words for their drug experiences. There’s no formal agreement on their usage, no Academy to officially declare “spatula” as slang for any drug that has an officially funny name, like Box of Kittens.

If you don’t know Box of Kittens, it is a drug used as a treatment for cardiovascular disease caused by boredom. Possible side effects include sneezing, tiny scratches and erectile dysfunction, says Dr. John “J.D.” Dorian of “Scrubs.”



Air Supply is safer

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

A NEWS item that came out in this paper last Sunday had me googling the words “videoke” and “killings.” Just when I thought videoke violence is nothing but media exaggeration caused by a dearth of newsworthy events on weekends, this story about a stabbing inside a videoke bar in my hometown of Pinamungajan convinced me the Aquino administration should now create a task force to investigate videoke killings in the country.



‘May I touch your lingam?’

Monday, March 15th, 2010

lingamThis is one article I wish I was writing under a pseudonym. Why? Because ours is a culture that finds certain innocent words referring to some parts of our anatomy “obscene.”

The words I am referring to are penis, genitals, orgasm, ejaculation, masturbation, and other terms that you, with your puritan upbringing, wish did not exist at all. And more than just the brute force of the words themselves, this article will evoke images of male sex organs being fondled by massage therapists in some dark spas in the city. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.



TANGINANG FASHIONISTA!!

Monday, June 8th, 2009

radioactivesagoRadioactive Sago Project

TMANSMFKPR* — Tangina Mo Andaming Nagugutom sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Pa Rin

Radioactive Sago Project

Terno Recordings, 2007

anybody with a copy of this album? can’t find it sa record bars. manghuwan ko kadyot.

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free missing filemon shirt for the generous one.



Weird news from around the world

Monday, May 12th, 2008

Tuhog sa Ihi. Check this story out at superman’s urine dot com.

I’M STARTING TO SERIOUSLY DOUBT if this column is contributing anything to the betterment of society. This column’s blog version has been attracting readers whose idea of a life well lived is collecting weird stories from across the globe and emailing them to me. I have become the repository of the world’s odd, stupid and outrageous occurrences. If you think that is helping the cause of the Dalai Lama, then I’m the Queen of Sheba.



Penis theft panic

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Thanks to friend and former Sun.Star colleague Aledel Gonzalez for sending me the following report.

KINSHASA (Reuters) – Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.  >> Read article here



Rectal Talk

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

I wouldn’t have wanted to post anything about rectums here because that part of our body has suffered enough already. But there’s an aside in the VSMMC scandal that helps us newsroom people cope with the stupidity of it all (we look for something amusing in the news, or we won’t survive this kind of job). In cases like the VSMMC scandal, the media is not allowed to name the victim, so we assigned a name for him. But when you have several media outlets covering the same story and assigning a name to the victim, confusion starts.

Sun.Star calls the victim “Janjan” – at his request.

Cebu Daily News calls him “Danilo”

Balitang Bisdak calls him “George”

One radio station calls him “Mr. Florist”

Balitang Barbero (that’s the general public for you) calls

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him “Bayot”



J, Lurinthoo and the Baling Traffic

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

I arrived late for a meeting with a Korean client (yes ‘client,’ kay publishing consultant man kuno ko niya). Ug ang Koreana pwerteng sukoa.

Koreana: Lurinthoo, what happen? I come far just see you here Ayala. And you? And you? Late to come!

Me: I’m so sorry J (that’s her name, for Jaimee). It was heavy traffic in Mambaling.

J: Baling? You say home in text. Now Baling?

Me: Mambaling J. It’s where I live. It’s far from here, and I don’t have a car.

J: Aaargghh, Lurinthooo. Three already. Me here two. You hour late Lurinthoo! Me no car also, but taxi.





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