Every time the Catholic Church launches its sporadic campaign against immorality, also known as “The Rene Josef Bullecer Crusade,” I’m reminded of a feature story I’ve been itching to write about: bikini bars. So when a few days ago Bullecer started exorcising congressmen of their reproductive health demons, I knew I had to start my research already.

The plan was to write an objective description of what goes on inside bikini bars at a time when the Bullecer crusade was condemning whores, pimps and T-backs as the devil’s creatures.

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Marcos was probably the only leader of two leaders who knew the Filipino soul and the Filipino heart very very well. The other one was Ninoy. – Teddy Benigno

Last week’s Song of the Week has got to be “Low” by Flo Rida, a rap artist whose real name is Tramar Dillard and who was born in, you guessed it right, Florida, in Miami to be exact. If I’ll be a rapper someday, I’ll call myself Pin Amun Gajan, to give my image a scary Bin Laden-ish appeal while paying homage to my barriotic roots in Pinamungajan, a town 50 years south of Cebu City, Philippines.

“Low” had to be it for following me around unceasingly. To begin with, it robbed me of a total of 35 hours of sleep. Last Wednesday alone, it kept me awake from 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. I don’t know what San Isidro Labrador, whose feast the neighboring block was celebrating, got to do with hitting the floor and getting low low low low low; but for a while right there I really thought the chapel choir was going to use “Low” for Holy Communion.

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By going to the event, you are helping poor talented students get a two-month free art education. See you.

Let’s forget for a while the decent rules of argumentation and debate and pretend that name calling is the only morally acceptable technique in crushing one’s political opponent.

If you were not busy anticipating Beijing last week, you would notice how our politicians provided us with a different kind of Olympics by calling each other names. Here are some of the names they used and what they mean in contemporary or historical usage.

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“THERE will be a photo exhibit at the Capitol tomorrow to mark the Province’s 439th Founding Anniversary. Please come.” My reaction to the invitation was one of horror. “Oh God,” I said. “She’s doing it again!”

I’m familiar with those images: Gwen climbing the Capitol dome, Gwen riding a horse, Gwen dancing the Sinulog, Gwen hearing mass, Gwen shaking hands with Vidal, Gwen shaking hands with inmates, Gwen eating lechon, Gwen playing patintero, Gwen kissing children, Gwen hugging the elderly and the poor and the widow and the dirty. Gwen at work. Gwen at play. Gwen in her poster perfect best.

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