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Archive for January, 2008

Just send in the clowns

Monday, January 21st, 2008

A visit to the peryahan along Osmeña Blvd. last week convinced me of my calling to write only about things of profound significance to humanity—like the Ferris Wheel, a carnival ride that appeals deeply to our basic longing to reach out to the skies and never succeed; and the Horror Train, a ride that cheerfully reminds us that what we see in the mirror every day is not the scariest face on earth yet.



What’s fiesta without a fair?

Monday, January 21st, 2008

THIS is one place we thought doesn’t attract a crowd anymore—peryahan. That they still exist proves there are always people who wouldn’t mind playing kids once again so they could shoot plastic ducks for the jackpot prize of a box of three-in-one coffee.



A girl named Jenny

Saturday, January 19th, 2008

Warning: The article you are about to read is sappy. It’s highly suggested that you proceed as if I didn’t write it.



Cebu flop music festival

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Caught in a time warp, these people! What ‘popular music’ are they talking about? I’m not a huge fan of Bisrock – many Bisrock songs suck bigtime. But despite its flaws, Bisrock has done what Cebu Flop Music Festival can only dream of, that is making Binisaya songs popular to the masses. ‘Nuff said!



Shamepooh

Thursday, January 17th, 2008

TV commercials just don’t get it. THEY ARE IRRITATING! What advertising principle says the best way to sell is to insult viewers’ intelligence? Even if you have an IQ of a tadpole, you feel the urge to fling the remote against the TV screen upon hearing these freakin line “HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD!” Since when did my girlfriend’s monthly period become a ‘happy’ experience for both of us? Hah! I should have paid my cable bills, damn it. – insoymada



We all write bad lyrics

Wednesday, January 16th, 2008

To Cebuano bands writing songs in English,

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stop dissing Cebuano bands writing songs in Bisaya. As far as lyrics are concerned, both of you write crap every now and then. The only thing is, it’s hard for a Cebuano to “analyze” English lyrics without exposing his own limited grasp of the English language. So, the easy target: Bisrock. So, while stupid Bisrock songs get the beating, stupid English songs by local bands enjoy the presumption of being brilliant. (Note: we are only talking about the lyrics, for now.)



Seat of wisdom

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

A couple of years ago, Cebu City experienced a tragedy uniquely third world: septic tank cleaners were dropping dead on duty. While gas fumes humbly took the blame, I was silently convinced mutant fecal matters were responsible. Mutant fecal matters are territorial. Used to being left alone to fend for themselves in a dark hole for a long time, they develop violent behaviours and will kill any living thing that invades their privacy. The following article was written after the death of the 3,788th victim of this fecal tragedy in the saddest chapter of our city’s history. — insoymada



Frogs vs. mosquitoes

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

One reason I’m still working for a newspaper – instead of doing what everybody else is doing, that is working in Afghanistan as a forklift truck driver – is that in media, you are the ultimate voyeur, the keeper and revealer of secrets, the spoiler of crooks’ fun. And on days when work gets boring, you receive mails that remind you life never runs out of amusing stories to tell. This one we received

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from Uldarico Perez, engineer, from Tipolo, Mandaue City, who suggested tapping the expertise of frogs in the fight against dengue. This came out in the SpeakOut section of today’s issue of Sun.Star Cebu. — insoymada



Little ditties about oral sex and masturbation 2

Monday, January 14th, 2008

I promise this will be the last post about oral sex and masturbation. The only reason I included it here is that the song showed how a powerful melody can numb the listener from lyrics that are otherwise gross or offensive. I’m reminded of ‘Gugmang Giatay’ by the Ambassadors. Before this song became a hit, ‘giatay’ was a word my grandmother warned me about, or she’d see me in hell. But because Iping’s melody was so beautifully written, even grandma wouldn’t mind getting caught singing it in the shower now. — insoymada



I’m a self-googler

Monday, January 14th, 2008

This is a psychological test. Please answer honestly: 1) Do you have an overestimation of your appearance and your abilities? 2) Do you have an excessive need for admiration? 3) Do you have an Internet connection?

If you answer “yes” to all three questions, celebrate, because no matter how violently you deny it, you are a “self-googler,” an ego-surfer, a narcissistic offspring of the World Wide Web. I said be happy because you belong to half of Internet users on Earth and Mars who are their own stalkers.





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