Drug users have this amazing  talent for coining slang words for their drug experiences. There’s no formal agreement on their usage, no Academy to officially declare “spatula” as slang for any drug that has an officially funny name, like Box of Kittens.

If you don’t know Box of Kittens, it is a drug used as a treatment for cardiovascular disease caused by boredom. Possible side effects include sneezing, tiny scratches and erectile dysfunction, says Dr. John “J.D.” Dorian of “Scrubs.”
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I spent my childhood thinking of Bohol as populated not by humans by monkeys so small you need a microscope to see them. To my lovely Boholano friends, I didn’t make this article up as I learned these things from my elementary education, which fed me with pictures of your beautiful island as nothing but mysterious hills and primates, and a little bit of Dagohoy in between.
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Good news to everyone, Robson Communications Inc. is offering free hosting an email up to 3 years.

Robson Communications Inc. is partnering with Bloggers around the world to offer their readers 3 Free Years of Website and Email Hosting. This is a limited time offer that expires Sept 30, 2010.

In order to enjoy this great opportunity, you need to put in Promo Code: WGT38864 on the Robson Communications Inc. website.

A NEWS item that came out in this paper last Sunday had me googling the words “videoke” and “killings.” Just when I thought videoke violence is nothing but media exaggeration caused by a dearth of newsworthy events on weekends, this story about a stabbing inside a videoke bar in my hometown of Pinamungajan convinced me the Aquino administration should now create a task force to investigate videoke killings in the country.

If it happens in Pinamungajan–or Timbuktu, or Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland–it happens everywhere.

The task force should be handled not by policemen or NBI agents but by musicians, particularly lyricists. You call the police or the NBI when it’s about drugs, or alcohol, or guns, or Joavan Fernandez. But when it’s about videoke violence, call the songwriter. Unless our law enforcement institutions include “Lyrics as Cause of Violence” in their training, drug raids and checkpoints will never solve videoke killings.
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I’m giving you a few more weeks, then you’re out of my life, zombies and you too, plants. I don’t want to have anything to do with your fight anymore. I don’t even know why you’re fighting in the first place. Plants against zombies? Wtf! But anyways…. In the meantime, let’s go Chomper!

Among the news features that saw print in this paper this year, this one by UP Mass Comm intern Rachel Mae Sarmiento has got the best hook in its lead paragraph:

“MANNY Pacquiao is tough, compact and sweet. Manny Pacquiao has 6.8 percent cholesterol, 7.6 percent protein, 6.4 percent carbohydrates and 3.7 percent calcium, plus iron, niacin and vitamin E. Truly, Manny Pacquiao is good for your health.”
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This is one article I wish I was writing under a pseudonym. Why? Because ours is a culture that finds certain innocent words referring to some parts of our anatomy “obscene.”

The words I am referring to are penis, genitals, orgasm, ejaculation, masturbation, and other terms that you, with your puritan upbringing, wish did not exist at all. And more than just the brute force of the words themselves, this article will evoke images of male sex organs being fondled by massage therapists in some dark spas in the city. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Amid an outpouring of generosity for typhoon victims in Manila and other parts of Luzon, The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) issued an advisory preventing the public from donating the following relief items: old ninong-type barongs, Halloween witch wigs, lace beaded dresses, Darna outfits, The Joker masks, pastel-colored floral gowns, belly dancing outfits, Dracula capes, and silvery purple tutus.
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I can always blame Facebook for keeping me away from my website — My Personal Website — for months. Hey, by the way, how many of us can say, “I have my own website?” Cool.

Or I can always use the ever convenient excuse of artists, “Angst.” Use “angst” in a sentence: “Nag-angst ko ‘bay, mao nang wa na ko ka-update sa akong website, my personal website.”

But I am always suspicious of artists who, having been in the art scene for years, still use the word “angst.” Mag-angst ko anang mga tawhana.

Or I can always say a personal website is lonely. At least in Facebook, I have sure “friends” who always “like” what’s in my mind and comment on my “notes.” With the personal website,  it feels so alone. You see, interactivity is dependent on the number of likes and comments and smileys and fans and pages and some fucking shit just throw you some fuckin pillow messages you get every day.
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Hapit na man gyud ang Sinulog, paminawa kuno kung pwede ba ni. (i think i’ve already posted this before. but this one is the official online release endorsed by the songwriters.)

Matahum Nga Cebu